Respectfully holding trays of tea with both hands, the youngsters made their way to their respective parents, then knelt down and offered up the cups of fragrant tea. (Photo by Leong Li Ling)
On the early Sunday morning of 25 May 2014, Tzu Shaos (from the Tzu Chi Teenagers’ Class) and their parents filed into Jing Si Hall for class as per normal. However, the number of parents that were accompanying their children was notably more than usual. May is the month of filial piety, and this session of class included a specially arranged tea ceremony, so that the children could respectfully present their parents with a cup of tea to express their gratitude, hence the increased turnout.
Once everyone was present, the 121 Tzu Shaos went up to the Buddha Hall on the third floor, while the 101 parents remained downstairs in the reception area to interact and participate in the rest of the day’s program.
Parents are Instrumental in Inspiring Compassion in Teens
The Tzu Shaos started the day with the lively Tzu Ching Anthem, and the lyrics “In all areas whether things, thoughts, or people, practise a love for life and have a compassionate heart” really struck a chord. Just like how any task begins with a determination to achieve a goal, the Tzu Shaos sat in their groups to brainstorm ideas for the “Compassion Project” which would be promoted in the following months of June and July.
“From which aspect should we commence this ‘Compassion Project’?” was the question that they had to discuss, and after some spirited discussion, some of the groups chose “Recycling” as their focal topic, while others chose “Vegetarianism.” Half an hour of fruitful discussion eventually yielded key focus areas for each group. In addition they had also elected group leaders and summarized action plans and logistical requirements. The Tzu Shaos were extremely excited and eagerly awaited the coming of 8 June 2014, when they would go to Tzu Chi recycling stations all around the island to carry out the “Compassion Project,” promote recycling and vegetarianism to fellow Singaporeans in the heartlands.
Meanwhile down in the Cultural Hall, secondary school guidance counsellor Zheng Rou Juan – an expert in fostering parent-child relationships, was invited to share with the parents on how best they can interact with their children. “’Respect’ means to see the child as an equal, and as an independent person. “To Place Importance on” refers to elevating the personality, thoughts, emotions and wishes of the children and taking them into account. These were the key takeaways from the sharing. The teacher also shared a valuable point: that the attitude with which parents view and treat their children will imprint on the child, and has bearing on the kind of person that the child will grow up to become.
The parents listened in rapt attention, as Zheng taught them the need to accept their children’s shortcomings and failures, and to view their wrongdoings with a more positive attitude. “We should not call our children stupid, for it will add to their disappointment. Instead, we need to validate our children and praise them, while simultaneously encouraging them to do even better, which is what successful children require a lot of.”
Handmade Cards of Love and a Tea Ceremony
It was then time for the Tzu Shaos to specially craft little cards of love as small gifts for their parents, and each card bore messages that were like little secrets between parent and child. In their small groups, the Tzu Shaos quickly got to work when supplied with small cards, coloured pens, glue and other stationery. Although many were new to such craftwork, they proved quite nimble with their hands and in no time, the beautiful cards were complete!
“Thank you Daddy and Mummy for your love and care.”
“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.”
“Dearest Dad and Mum, thank you for taking care of me so conscientiously. I promise that I will work hard in school, and achieve good results for you.”
Those little cards were filled with heartfelt words from children to parents, brimming with words that they would normally be reluctant to say out loud, and indicated the strong bonds between the parents their children.
Fifteen-year-old Li Yu De’s parents were unable to make it to the class due to other commitments. Despite that, he said with much feeling, “My parents aren’t here, but I still want to express my love for them. Furthermore, I respect Uncle Deng Fu Wei very much, and he is here today, so I treat him just like a father.”
Yu De therefore made two cards, one with the words “Dearest Dad and Mum, thank you so much for giving me your warm love. Loving you forever, Yu De” and the other was actually for his “team facilitator father,” Deng Fu Wei, expressing his love with the simple words “Uncle, I love you. With much respect, admiration, and always loving you, Yu De.”
When the cards were completed, the Tzu Shaos carefully kept the precious creations in their pockets and prepared themselves for the tea ceremony. Tzu Chi Commissioner Li Jia Ling explained the symbolic meaning behind the art of tea brewing and serving, and everyone watched a video on tea ceremony. Li described how every single tea leaf is the product of a farmer’s toil in growing and picking, and how the art of tea has an impressive history of over a thousand years. “Serving tea is an act of filial piety that honours profound parental love” was the key message behind this particular tea ceremony. Amidst soft and soothing music, everyone sat down, cleared their hearts and minds, and contemplated not only the intricate process and significance of the tea ceremony, but also the deep respect they had for their parents.
The tea ceremony emphasized respect and gratitude towards one’s parents, and also the act of repaying this debt of gratitude. The Tzu Shaos, normally so active and restless, carried out every step of the tea ceremony – from hoisting the trays, to walking, kneeling, and finally to serving the tea, with a respectful attitude and with proper demeanor. Everyone approached the act with great care, and hoped to take this chance to present their parents with not just a cup of tea, but one that was rich with love from their hearts.
Families in Embrace
The tea ceremony had begun. The Tzu Shaos lined up in neat orderly rows, emerging from the west of the Buddha Hall. Respectfully holding the trays of tea with both hands and with smiles on their faces, they made their way over to where their respective parents were seated, then knelt down and offered up the cups of fragrant tea.
The parents cleansed their hands, and with palms folded they faced their children and accepted the tea. They then drank it in three parts, with each mouthful representing their children’s promises – to think good thoughts, speak good words, and do good deeds. The parents could feel the love and piety from their children, just as the fragrance was emanating from the tea they were quietly sipping.
After consuming the tea, Tzu Shaos handed their parents their handmade cards, and both parties embraced. A single line of “I love you” or “I’m sorry” made hot tears well up in their parents’ eyes, and every family had their photo taken to preserve this heartwarming moment.
The couple Li Zhong He and Lin Li Yan attended this Tzu Shao Class with their three children. Both parents reminisced about how their children would always be very caring whenever they returned home for the day, enquiring about their wellbeing, and bringing them their slippers. They noted, however, that as their children grew older, and they themselves got busier with their jobs, they gradually became more distant from their children. They were very appreciative of how this class gave their whole family another chance to come together in this way, just like old times.
Li said, “We participate in Tzu Chi’s monthly recycling activity every month, and it used to be us encouraging our children to participate, but now our children take the initiative to help out and there has been a remarkable change in their attitudes. All three children have a Bamboo Bank each, and save a few coins each day; they are really learning how to give to the less fortunate and needy with a loving heart.”
“Mum, please don’t lose your temper often, I can take on some part-time jobs to help lessen your burden.” Tzu Shao Xie MeiYi’s card greatly touched her mother Lin Jing’er, as could be seen from her red, teary eyes. Just recently, Lin had flared up at her daughter because her grades in school were deteriorating, and they had been angry with each other for several days. Tzu Shao Class gave both of them many realisations, and emotions were running high as the mother-daughter pair held each other in a hug.
The tea ceremony might have concluded, but the outpouring of love it unleashed lingered on. The Tzu Shao Sign Language performance that followed was greeted with huge applause, and the sharing session afterwards brought much laughter to the parents, causing the whole scene to resemble one big happy family. With their parents and elders’ by their side, may our Tzu Shaos and all the children in the world grow up happy and healthy!
The Tzu Shaos made little cards filled with heartfelt words for their parents that they would normally be reluctant to say out loud, indicating the strong bonds between the parents their children. （Photo by Leong Li Ling）
To inspire compassion in youths, Tzu Shaos and their team leaders brainstormed ideas for the “Compassion Project,” which would kick off in June. (Photo by Leong Li Ling)
Secondary school counsellor Zheng Rou Juan shared with the parents how best they could interact with their children, explaining what it meant to show “respect” to children, and also told them the need to accept their children’s shortcomings and failures, and to view their wrongdoings with a positive attitude.（Photo by Mai Yue Yuan）
Though Li Yu De’s parents could not make it to the class, he still wrote a message of love and gratitude on a card for them. (Photo by Leong Li Ling）
After the tea ceremony, the parents received handmade cards from their children and gave them a hug. Many of them were deeply moved by the heartwarming messages on the cards.（Photo by Leong Li Ling）
Li Zhong He and Lin Li Yan shared that as their children grew older, and they themselves got busier with their jobs, they gradually became more distant from their children. They were very appreciative of how the class had brought their entire family closer together. (Photo by Leong Li Ling）
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